This has been busy week with lots of things happening. I think I’ll start with the negatives and end on a few positive notes. First, this has been the worst week I have ever had at my current job. There has been a series of issues that have arisen some of which I have created and some of which are out of my control. Being the subject of office gossip related to my personal life has been annoying but the least of my problems. Having my boss tell me that I need to start meeting with her on a weekly basis is both annoying and insulting. Admittedly for a period of time I was barely getting any work done. I was depressed. I told her I was and I asked her to bear with me as I was taking steps to address what was going on. Since I have had that conversation my productivity has been as good as it has ever been. To top things off I was given an assignment which I did not complete due to the relative short amount of time I was given to complete the task, so I was reprimanded for that and I was accused by a co worker of lying repeatedly. And this coworker basically threatened to go to my boss and tell her about my personal life. I am going to run my boss into the ground if that is the way they want to play it. I am ready.
Today is the 13thof August. My kids will be moved in 9 days. It seems very surreal to me. I know they are going. I am trying really hard not to make a big deal out of it as it is hard enough on them as it is. My son who is three used to ask why we are getting a warvorce. It broke my heart and made me smile at the same time. I am taking them to the movies this weekend. I am going to miss them. I will be sad for a while after they go. I am already trying to plan next weekend to stay busy. But I haven’t been successful in finding people to do things with yet. I am buying them a laptop with a web cam before they go. I won’t see them again until Christmas. I worry about them every day.
On a different subject, I am going to have to move back into the house I have been trying to sell. The market just won’t allow me to sell it. Not necessarily a bad thing but I am cashing out my ex and giving her a sum of cash so I can get her off the loan. Good thing is I will still have a garden and when I finish putting my fence up I will have a good place for the dog I plan to get. But it also means that I am going to have to find a roommate to help offset the cost of the mortgage payment. We will see how that goes.
My dissertation is almost done. I have asked for an extension through the first three weeks of September and I expect that will be granted. I still have lots of work to do to reformat it and get it ready for printing as well as prepare for my final defense. But it is exciting. I am excited to finish and I am really excited to catch up with some old friends in LA.
On a good note related to work we had a graduation for our clients today. It was a smaller than usual graduation so we used a smaller room and it was much more intimate. These graduations are what reminds me of why I like my job as much as I do as we help people learn how to change their lives in significant and profound ways.
The best thing I saved for last. I finally had the opportunity to talk with K. It was really nice. It is funny the things you miss about someone, the sound of their voice for instance. I am still not sure what will happen. But I know that I still have feelings for her and talking to her reminded how much as I spent a good deal of the day thinking about our conversation and about her in general. It is interesting to me that we are both struggling with what to do next, or where do we go from here. How do I manage my issues at this point and time and when will I be ready to have the type of emotional energy or availability I think I should have when I am in a relationship. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I am over thinking things. Other times I think I want to go slow and date and do the things we kind of skipped over at the beginning of our relationship. Most importantly I was able to talk to the person who really has been my best friend over the past 8 months. I have missed her for that single reason more than anything. I keep my fingers crossed that we find a way to try again.
OK that’s enough.
1. I’m sorry that I missed that graduation being that it was seemingly different than other ones.
2. You will be okay. Trust me.
3. It was nice to talk to you too.