Sometimes there are days that seem to typify your experiences with someone or something. I think I had one of those days this weekend. The only thing is I am not sure what it all really means. I think sometimes I think too much, I tend to live my life in my head, not sure I will ever change that part of myself. What it means though is that when something happens and I am not sure what to do with it I take it and think about it, I think about it a lot. I was asked a question that completely caught me off guard and it was a good question. One that I have asked myself many times and one that I have probably answered a little differently each time. I think the reason for that is, I am still largely in a state of transition. Needless to say my life has gone through major changes this year and I am still in the process of going through those changes, how they impact my life and how I can best move forward given the circumstances I find myself in.
So when asked “what do you think you should do?” given the circumstances that are less than what I would like them to be, in large part due to some a very stupid thing that I did combined with my global issues of the minute, I can’t help but think that this person is making the best choice for herself. Given that she tells me that at this time she has no interest in anything more that getting together from time to time what can I say. It makes perfect sense to me. So given what I know and how I feel, which is that I still have a lot of feelings for her, I go back and forth. Do I just leave her be? Do I continue to spend time with her and see what happens? The rational part of me tells me that I should leave well enough alone and let things happen as they will and come to terms with what has happened between us. Another part of me tells me that even when I ask how she feels about me I never really seem to get a clear picture and that I still have feelings and I would at there very least try again when I am in a better place and time. Which is why I am working so hard on puttings things together in my own life. Not just for the purposes of this relationship but because I need to take care of myself in much better ways than I was earlier this summer.
The toughest thing about all this is knowing how much I did to turn something great into a mess. Tou can’t ever undo what has been done. Best thing I can do is learn from my mistakes and be a better person from it.
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