First off let me just say I have never been more disappointed in my folks than I was tonight. Having dinner with my dad the subject of the kids came up, the fact that they were coming soon and how much time I was going to have them over to see my folks. Then I asked my dad, “How often are you calling them?” His reply was “Once”. Once a week I think maybe. No. One time in the past 3 and a half months. What? I actually scolded my father. He starts t tell how painful it is to talk to them. Really I said, don’t even go there with me. I call them everyday. I don’t talk to them that often but I call and tell them I love them. I know how much it hurts. Fuck they are my kids. Truly disappointing beyond description.
This weekend was Thanksgiving. I just couldn’t go to my parents. I was missing the kids way too much to sit through a series of questions about how they are doing and what the |Christmas plan was. I couldn’t do it. I did something much better for me. Spent time with a friend and her family, it was fun, I had a great time and I was Thankful for that. Truly. I also saw one of the most incredible musical performances I have ever seen. An artist with a voice so beautiful it caused me several times to well up with tears. Simply awesome. She has a gift that I am glad she shares with the rest of us. She being Brandi Carlile.
Also I have started putting away all the kids toys that were in storage putting their rooms together in preparation for their all too short stay. I am very excited nonetheless. I also have been boxing up all the family photos and family stuff that one day my kids may want as a remembrance of where they came from. This has been really hard as I have sifted through old photos, and just stuff from a 15 year relationship. I am getting through it and I am proud of myself for keeping it for my kids. It would have been easier on me to toss it all but it just didn’t seem right. I shouldn’t make those decisions for my kids as to what is important from this period in their lives. I feel good abut things in general. I am taking care of myself and working on the things I need to work on………
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