Yesterday was an odd mix of events and feelings. From the time I woke up in LA till the time I fell asleep in my own bed in Seattle. One day removed from finishing school it was a wrap up day in LA. Drove around the city a little bit went to my favorite place to eat breakfast and listed to people debate election issues. Most specifically Prop 8. Which was to amend the CA sate constitution to ban Gay marriages. It always surprises me when someone is so outspokenly homophobic in a public place. To cap it off rely on religious doctrine to justify intolerance of others. Sad. I too was already feeling a little sad and nostalgic. Having spent four days with some close friends and being told a dozen times a day, “you should move back to LA” and in part remembering how things down in LA were good times both personally and in my marriage. Not that you can go back but it did tug at my hear strings. Instead I made promises to return to LA when I have the kids and spend time in a less hectic and pressured manner. So after spending four days with my friends it was time to go back home. Weary from keeping a busy social schedule and the stress of defending my dissertation and staying out late the night before to celebrate, I arrived at the Burbank airport with a few hours to kill. I wanted to watch some of the election returns but I just didn’t want to sit in a bar. I knew that many of me friends were getting together in various places to watch a truly historic event. And I was sitting alone in an airport trying to check election updates on my blackberry. As flights go it was good, plenty of room a row to myself and election updates from the cockpit. The news that Obama was our new president elicited cheers and clapping on the plane. By the time I arrived in Seattle I was wiped out and looking forward to bed. After the ride home in which I was told about a family function was planned on an evening in which I had told all parties involved I had already made plans. Whatever. So I get home and walk in the door greeted by my mess of a home, and the silence. I realized how staying with Liz and Lance had given me that comfort of not being alone, alone. It blew through me pretty hard. It reallly took me off gaurd and It took all I had to not leave and go somewhere, anywhere and just stay out late, very late. I take comfort in the fact that I chose better than I have in the recent past and I think that I will continue to accept where I am at as a way to move past it. Sometimes it still catches me when I am not expecting it. All this tempered by the fact that school is over and we have elected a leader who I think will have a profound impact on the psyche of this country.
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