family fun-sort of

It is Sunday morning the last weekend day I will have with the kids. They will fly out Saturday night but we/I have decided that seeing them that day will probably be too hard on everyone. I have worked really hard on not doing crazy special things with them prior to them leaving. Instead my goal has been to try and make things as normal as possible. I could write pages about how unreasonable my ex is being but what is the use. I am trying really hard to develop some sort of working relationship as far as the kids go but it is too soon. It may not ever come who knows. The people that will suffer most from that are the kids, I hope she realizes this at some point. The only good thing about the kids leaving is I can move back into the house. Not having my own place has worn on me and as much as I love my dad I hate living with him. It is like living with another child. My brother his wife and their two kids as well as my sister and my folks all had dinner together last night. In part because it is my Dad and sister’s birthday on Monday and in part because this was the last weekend with my kids before they go. Every weekend for the last month, month and a half we have gotten together like this. I have seen more of my family this summer than any I can remember since I was probably sixteen. Family dynamics and roles still playing spinning along as the years go by. It is funny to see how much stricter I am with my kids than my brother is with his. Neither way is necessarily better or worse just different. My sister has been single as afar as I know for the last dozen years which begs the question if she is gay why not just come out of the closet for God’s sake. Who cares? I am officially divorced. Child support payments here I come. Kids are up time to go. I just want to be the best I can be for my kids these last 5 days. I feel really calm though. I think that I have moved into this acceptance type phase. Not to say next weekend won’t be very tough. I expect it will. But I am taking better care of myself and working hard on my issues. I feel good.